deleteyourself:

Knew it.

See, this is a scandal.

1. When I was about 12 or 13 I had an amazing sex with this guy, we did it in the shower too and it was great.

-Steamy Simon Fuhksalot

That’s really fab. There’s nothing better than gay sex in a shower. Doesn’t everything taste so much cleaner too? I had sex several times in bath houses all over Europe, so in a way, I can relate. It was great. The bath houses over there are much cleaner too. Everything is made out of tiles so they sanitize the entire place for about 15 minutes 3 or 4 times a day. You’d be in the middle of a show and have to leave for a little while but as soon as they were done sanitizing you’d just mount yourself right back on that pony. I lived.

-C. Cuntrillikah

1. When I was about 12 or 13 I had an amazing sex with this guy, we did it in the shower too and it was great.

-Steamy Simon Fuhksalot

Don’t forget to let people know about our Tumblr or don’t forget to post in our formspring also.

-Clarice Cuntrillikah

Dear Clarice,

Last month I met up with my boyfriend to go to the movies. We saw Paranormal Activity, don’t watch it Clarice, it was like The Blair Witch Project 1 & 2— but worse. Anyways we had fun and we kissed during the movie. Things started to get really hot but we cooled off. Towards the end of the movie things start to get hot between me and him again and we leave the movie theatre. We enter the nearest alleyway and start to get it on. He goes down on me SEVERAL times for SEVERAL hours at a time. Then I start going down on him and I noticed he has a hickey on his inner thigh. I never left a hickey according to my memory. Then we use a condom we got one Wednesday from these guys on 82 street and 37 ave. The sex was great until my boyfriend ask if I put a finger in his butthole. I was horrified but I did it because I felt pressured to. I want to know is my boyfriend cheating on me? Is he gay? Why did he ask me to put my finger in his butthole?

Sincerly, Farah Fingers from Flatbush, BK.

Dear Mary,

Well  it seems you’ve had a wonderful date until the sex. We’ve all been there but, if you feel pressured to do something you shouldn’t be doing it. I cannot tell you if your boyfriend is cheating on you, but you may want find out for yourself. He may be gay and be using you as a cover up. Think about these things: Is your voice deep? Do you have rough hands and/or hard features? Are you very muscular for a girl? And does your vagina look like a taped back (tucked) penis? If yes, then your boyfriend might be gay or a tranny chaser. As for the butthole thing, men have a prostate located in their anal cavity and when massaged it can be stimulate and pleasures the man. I have no idea how your boyfriend found out about this (he might be getting plunged fierce by one of his buddies) but you should find out why. A good parting gift would be the Aneros prostate massager.

-Clarice Cuntrillikah.

Dear Clarice,
Last night I was visiting my boyfriend in his home upstate. We haven’t seen each other in quite some time since he started college and I couldn’t wait to get it on with him. I was reading some sex stories on the way to his house and I couldn’t contain my excitement. Finally, I arrive at his front door, a little moist, and we quickly get to work. We somehow end up in the shower and I start giving him a very intense blowjob. What came next I wasn’t absolutely expecting but— my boyfriend pissed in my mouth. I swallowed a few cups of his urine and it tasted a bit salty. My concern is that I think I might have an STD, or maybe an ulcer. Can I get an ulcer? Do I have Gonorrhea or Chlamydia? What do you think?
Pissed off Pedro from Pittsburg, PA.

My dear butch queen;

You definitely can not transmit an STD through urine. Assuming your mans penis looked good and healthy, girthy, and throbbing, you probably didn’t get Gonorrhea, especially if the penis wasn’t drippy. I do recommend, however, that you get an STD screening. Next time remind your partners to not only warn you before they shoot their load in your mouth, but also before they empty their bladders into your esophagus. He tried that mama.

Ever-so-lovingly,

Clarice Cunt~